The picture
Part one: Know yourself
You have picked this up because someone in your life takes up more room in your head than you do. You have tried being nicer, being clearer, being firmer, being gone. None of it stuck. So here is the only question this programme is about: where do you end, and where do they begin?
What is actually happening
Nobody taught you where you end. Draw a circle. That is you: what you feel, think, want, decide. Draw another. That is them. Every problem you have with people is one of three things: your circle folded into theirs, theirs pushed into yours, or you left the overlap and took nothing with you. This programme finds the edge, hands you the whole inside of your circle, and lets you choose the overlap on purpose.
The misread
Thinking this is about them. It is not. You will not learn one technique for changing another person, because there is not one.
Sixty seconds. Feet on the floor. Breathe out longer than you breathe in, four times. Notice you are inside your own skin and nobody else is.
The first drawing
On paper, draw your circle. Write inside it five things that are yours right now: a feeling, a want, a decision you made today, a value, a thing you like. Draw the circle of the person you find hardest. Write inside it five things that are theirs: their feeling, their opinion of you, their choice, their reaction, their mood. Look at the two lists. Notice which of their five you have been carrying.
The two circles, with the five and five, and one line: “the thing of theirs I have been carrying is …“. Keep it. Every module adds to this drawing.
If you moved, you chose to move. And if you chose it, you can choose differently.
If you are frightened of someone at home, or someone controls your money, your movements or your children, this programme can help you keep yourself, but it cannot get you out. Speak to the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247, free, 24 hours) or, in immediate danger, call 999.
This programme is educational and not a substitute for therapy, medical care or specialist domestic abuse support.