The ten rules of the circle

Short enough to remember, sharp enough to use. Print it, photograph it, or read it before the conversation you are dreading.

1. What I feel is mine. What you feel is yours.
2. Nobody makes anybody feel anything.
3. Their opinion of me lives in their circle. It is none of my business.
4. I am responsible for my whole circle and nothing outside it.
5. If I moved, I chose to move.
6. Overlap is chosen or it is collapse.
7. A boundary is a description of where I end. It needs no permission.
8. I can understand you completely and still not agree. So can you.
9. I cannot make you understand. I can offer it once.
10. I get to keep the shape of my circle in any room, in any clothes, in any car.

If you moved, you chose to move. And if you chose it, you can choose differently.

If you are frightened of someone at home, or someone controls your money, your movements or your children, this programme can help you keep yourself, but it cannot get you out. Speak to the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247, free, 24 hours) or, in immediate danger, call 999.

This programme is educational and not a substitute for therapy, medical care or specialist domestic abuse support.