The programme · Ten modules · Three parts

Find the edge. Own the circle. Choose the overlap.

Ten written modules of ten to twenty minutes each, in your own time and your own home. Every module opens with what this feels like from the inside, gives you a body-first step by the halfway mark, one tool used on a live situation from your own life, and a worksheet you can reuse every time the situation comes round again.

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Every module has the same seven parts.

Once you have done one, you know how they all work. That predictability is itself settling, and it means the tool is never more than a few minutes away.

You are here

What this feels like from the inside, so you recognise yourself in the first paragraph.

What is actually happening

The circle picture for this module, and the brain behind it. Understanding turns recognition into trust.

The misread

The reasonable thing people do here that cannot work, and why.

Settle first

A body step of a few seconds, because no sentence works while the system is flooded.

The tool

One practice, step by step, on a live situation from your own life. Never a hypothetical.

The distinction, then the worksheet

One sharp sentence to hold, and one page you actually fill in.

The ten modules

In order the first time. After that, come back to whichever one matches the situation in front of you.

OrientationThe picture. You have picked this up because someone in your life takes up more room in your head than you do. You have tried being nicer, being clearer, being firmer, being gone. None of it stuck.…
Module 1The Brain: where feelings are made. “He made me so angry.” “She makes me feel small.” “If they would just…” You are describing feelings as if other people put them in you. It feels true. It is not how a brain works. Who,…
Module 2The Circle: the edge. You know what everyone else wants before you know what you want. You say yes and mean no. You keep the peace by getting smaller. Or the reverse: you cannot rest until they see it your…
Module 3Identity: what is in the circle. Someone asks what you want for dinner and you genuinely do not know. You dress for whoever is coming. You have opinions in your head that you have not said out loud in years. You are not…
Module 4The Car: what you control. You keep going over what they did. You keep planning what you will say next time. You are steering everyone else’s car from the passenger seat of your own life. Whose car are you…
Module 5The Destination: where the car is going. You have your circle back, you know what is yours, and now you are sitting in the car in the drive with the engine running. Where are you going? Not away from what. Toward what?
Module 6The Overlap: dealing with others, on purpose. You have the edge, the car and a direction. Now there is an actual person in front of you, and your body wants to fold or fight. What do you actually want from this person? Say it before…
Module 7Me (and the Children). You looked at the drawing in orientation and could not find yourself in it, because the circle is full of your children. Or you found yourself, felt guilty, and put them back. You are…
Module 8When You Cannot Leave. Some of you read modules 6 and 7 and thought: that is fine for people whose partner is reasonable. Mine is not, and I cannot go. Children, money, safety, a visa, a parent who needs care.…
ClosingUsing the circle. Short. The picture again, the ten rules on one page, the collapse each reader identified as their default, and how to reread: come back to the module that matches the situation in front…
One-time purchase

All ten modules, for less than one session

Founding price £47 (£67 once the founding phase closes). Your access code arrives by email within a minute of paying. Lifetime access. Come back as often as you need.

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Before you wonder

Is this about fixing my partner, my mother, my boss?

No. There is no technique for changing another person, because there is not one. Everything here happens inside your own circle. That is where all your power is.

Is it only for women?

It is written to women first, because that is who most often arrives having disappeared. A man can read it without flinching.

What if I cannot leave the situation I am in?

Module 8 is for you, and it points to specialist support where that is what is needed. This programme helps you keep yourself. It cannot get you out, and it says so.

Is this therapy?

No. It is educational and developmental, and it sits alongside any therapy or medical care, never in place of them.

Before anything else. If you are frightened of someone at home, or someone controls your money, your movements or your children, this programme can help you keep yourself, but it cannot get you out. Speak to the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247, free, 24 hours) or, in immediate danger, call 999.